The Time I Didn't Get the Part...(A Story of Self Discipline)

  Let me take you back in time to almost one year ago, January 2015. My freshmen year of college was coming to an end and the show season for next year had just been announced. There were a ton of shows on the list that got my little eager mind racing, but one show stood out in particular. A musical set in the 1960’s on the brink of the Vietnam War called Dogfight. I did some research on all the shows and talked with my good friend Allyson Hankins about the musical (which she is in love with) and I absolutely fell in love with the idea of the show. Here is a little synopsis of what the show is:

On November 21, 1963, a group of young marines are gathered in San Fransisco the night before they ship off to Vietnam. They decide to celebrate their last night of freedom with a cruel game they call the “dogfight” where every man sets out to find the ugliest girl he can and brings her to a party. Everyone puts in money, and the man with the ugliest date wins the pot. One of the young men taking part is Eddie Birdlace, who is running out of time to find a date when he meets idealistic waitress Rose Fenny in a diner.  He invites her to the party—her very first party—and she accepts. She leaves angrily when she finds out about the bet and Eddie, feeling bad, comes to find her. After an inauspicious beginning, an awkward love story begins to unfold.

I have done few musicals in my lifetime, and the musicals I have done I have never really sung in. For me, Dogfightrepresented my chance to jump into an area of my acting that I wasn’t comfortable with and it gave me the opportunity to try to push myself and strengthen my confidence in the area of the musical. Everything about this show caught my attention. The music, the era, the story.  More importantly though, I was excited to push myself in my preparation and work for the show.

Within no time my love for the show turned into an absolute obsession.  I started weight-lifting using actual Marine workouts and tried upping my diet to help put on mass and definition to help appear believable as a soldier. I bought a U.S. Marine Corps. shirt for exercising and….okay now this is the part where you can’t judge me, I am telling you this in total

confidence…I may or may not have made a dog tag with my name on it to help with motivation for training. Okay haha roll your eyes. It’s cool! On top of the weightlifting, I also enrolled in singing lessons, got a binder ready to help with collecting articles on the Marine Corps, information on the play, the era, how to audition, vocal exercises, and I had a notebook to help me take notes on various books I got about the era (The Sixties) and about the Marines (Boys of ’67 and Bootcamp).

The year began to pass and experiences came and went. I finished my freshman year, I moved out of the dorms, I worked at a fish cannery in Alaska, started my sophomore year of college, had a fun run of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, spent Thanksgiving in Las Vegas, spent New Years in Times Square, and a couple of days in California. Through all of this my mind never let go of my overall goal…Dogfight. Finally, this brings us to this last week. One year later. All of my preparation and planning led to this. The audition. I had the musical director of the show record my song so I could practice it over the winter break and be thoroughly prepared.

My Vocal Recital for Voice Lessons

I showed up to the Fine Arts Center thirty minutes early, head shot and resume in hand, dressed in my slacks, a purple button up shirt, black tie and a black sweater (my roommate picked the combo out). I walked in to the dance studio, and got ready to sing my song. Was it the best audition? Absolutely not, but I gave it my best shot and worked with what had been given to me. I waited intently for the callback list to go up and once I learned I was on it I realized that I was one step closer to achieving the goal. This brings us to the main event of the process…the callback.

I spent the whole day prior preparing the three songs that they wanted us to sing and even organized a group rehearsal to work on matching up voices and making sure that we would all be ready for callbacks the next day. I was mainly excited for the song “Some Kind of Time”, a high paced musical number that shows off the brash cockiness of the Marines and really represents the ignorance of the guys. It would also be a wonderful chance for me to try to showcase my happy side. Almost all the roles I have played in my college career are a far cry from the fun and upbeat roles that I had back in high school. This song would finally be my chance to have some fun again and showcase a high, upbeat energy. 

I show up to callbacks with a  smile on my face and we sing through one song all together, then we get to the song “Come Back” which is a high stakes, desperate dramatic song and I am given the chance to sing this in a group. After that I get my papers ready for the song I have been waiting for, “Some Kind of Time”. I’m sitting there looking at the paper and getting ready to start working on it, when I hear “Okay…Brendon you can leave.”

I was cut.

In that moment…the whole world kind of stopped…but if I learned anything from vaudeville it’s that the first rule is never let them see you bleed. So I smiled, picked up my things and left. I walked through the empty hallway…the distant chords of “Some Kind of Time” playing in the background, almost as if I could feel the show running away into the past. When I got home I waited for what felt like an eternity to get the cast list. Minutes passed, then hours. I sat on the couch waiting, waiting, waiting. Finally the email came through. I jumped at my phone, opened the email and….

                I didn’t get it.

I mean, how do you react to that? A year worth of work just…gone. Poof. Do you get angry? Do you get sad and wallow in self-pity? Do you spite everyone who did get cast? This is something that old Brendon would have done, and it is not the right thing to do at all. In that moment of realizing I didn’t get cast, a lot of feelings went through me, I could have said things I regretted, I could have been mean and cursed everyone who got cast…but it honestly isn’t the best reaction to have. I read a great article with Michael B. Jordan (the star of  Creed) and through the whole piece the interviewer observed a great deal of self-discipline in the actor. He thought about what he was going to say or do before he did it. This was on the forefront of my mind after reading that list. Was I disappointed? Of course, that’s human nature and it is perfectly acceptable. It was a lot of work and it didn’t pay off. What isn’t okay is to start talking crap about other people and gaining a mindset of being screwed or that I am the victim.

After thinking deeply about this I realized that I was actually okay with the result. Instead of being mad at the people who were cast I decided to be excited, happy and optimistic for them. Instead of feeling screwed and being the victim I tried to find the positives that had come for the preparation. I had started practicing singing and went out for something that I have never been extremely comfortable with…plus I have a load of information stored on the Vietnam War and the Marine Corps, too.

                There are many opportunities like this where taking the low road is absolutely the easiest thing to do and it might be the most appealing, as well. But human beings are able to control one thing for certain and that is our reactions to things. Believe me, that low road look mighty appealing and I could have been justified in taking it, too. In the end, though, there is nothing to gain from it except bitter jealousy and a sense of entitlement. Why should I waste my time being angry or sad when it is not worth it? I have to remind myself that this is going to be my future career and that life isn’t like an episode of Entourage. I am not going to get every single role that I want, and this was a crucial opportunity for me to realize it and to practice my self-discipline.  

                In short, I have learned that just because I didn’t get what I wanted or because things didn’t turn out the way I wanted them too, it still isn’t an excuse to take the low road. It is perfectly acceptable and encouraged to maybe allow yourself one day to be sad or disappointed, but I can’t live there and solely focus on the negatives. I have to pick myself up, dust myself off, try to figure out what I have learned from the experience, and then move to the next project. Confidence, humility and a genuine care and feeling of support for other people are the keys to success. Always think of your actions/responses before you do or say anything.

Congratulations to all of those cast in Dogfight. I can’t wait to see you all on stage in April!